OH GOODNESS I'M SO HAPPY!!!!! I hadn't planned on weighing till sunday morning cause i knew i was going to put on a few pounds due to Thanksgiving. (btw i was rjight, Thanksgiving is still awful, it doesn't matter who I spend it with i always get crap from the other parent) ANYWAYS so I broke my rule and weighed...........123.7!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Clearly i was happy about this :) I'm listening to this song and it just went "my phone is ringing, or am i dreaming, my phone is ringing, I wanna scream like a whore!" What the hell am i listening to?!?!?
So dad just left to go buy cheese because he's making me an omellette for breakfast. Crap. And i really like his omelettes, but if i eat it, then i can only have like 75 calories for the rest of the day and since dad's home, thats not gonna happen. And i don't want to purge it because i HATE purging. I used to not mind it, i actually felt really good when i saw my marker floating around and i knew i got everything up, but now....idk. I've just kinda loss the taste for it. (Not that it taste good, that was a metaphor) Last night i had a bad case of the munchies so i crushed up some ice, I got an icee maker for my birthday like 5 years ago. Its wonderful. but my bro (who KEPT EATING BESIDE ME) was like, "what are you doing?' and i justplayed the innocent school girl and was like, "what do you mean?? I just like ice sometimes." And he stopped bothereing me about it, but i could kinda tell he didn't believe me. What makes us so muchie? I hate the munchies. But my night ended up with my bro runnning out of hte house to go stop my mom from smashing everything at my dad's. I'm currently trying to move into my dad's and she's not taking it well. I personally think she needs to get some institutional help, but she won't listen to me. So I told her i would go back to her house if she got counseling. She didn't take that well either. When i actually went over to her house for a couple days (bad move) we got into it and she said something about how she's always been there for emotional support. I laughed looked her straight in the face and said very clamly, "mom, when i finally told you i was cuttign myself, who made fun of me? You did. Now i'm not sure about the rest of the workd, but THAT does not just scream emotional support to me." And walked to my room. Later my dad came and got me :) I love my daddy, he's my super hero. My really big fat slightly obese super hero :D But thats ok cause he's like a big giant fluffy pillow!
Sorry for this really long rant, i just wanted to get it all out. At least i know that someone will read this. Do you ever feel isolated? Like all the people you really need are hundreds of miles away from you? Thats how i feel right now. An ana buddy of mine was txting me last night, i think she lives somewhere up north somewhere,. but i wish someone lived near me so we could actually hang out and talk face to face :(
Anyways i'll probably post later, cause i 'm wierd like that :) Love you girls!
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