ok, back to where i was

Bad news, I ate two mini rice crispie treats :( I hate myself. I could hear her yelling at me, screaming.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
just one, it won't hurt, its only like 46 calories...
"46??? You're too busy to puke, you already had cereal this morning AND raisins! You left me yesterday, you walked away and shut me out. I thought you said you wanted my help.."
I did! I do!! Yesterday was just a mistake
"Then why the hell are you eating today? 200 calories is bad enough, but you think 300 is a good number? I can't believe you! Are you eating ANOTHER ONE?!?!?!" 
I'm sorry, its just too good, i can't help it..
"You have no self control. I loathe you. Why? Come back to me, I can give you everything you've ever wanted. Give me your life, and I will give you him. Yes, you know that he'll look at you the way he looked at her if you're skinnier, prettier. Come back to meeeeeeee......"
This is such a hard road sometimes, but hey, if it was easy, wouldn't eveyone else be doing it to? It's part of the pull, being different. Tonight I've got a meal plan, maybe that'll help me stay on track. I'm going to "eat"  a bowl, a whole can actually, of chicken and vegetable rotini from progresso. It's pretty low in calories anyway and its even less if you only drink some of the broth :) and its warm and makes my tummy feel good.

     The little kids I've been babysitting since 6 eat sooooo much!! Oh my gosh i wish i had their metabolism. And one kid takes ADD medicine and it curbs his apetite ALL day!! So freaking lucky....ugh i hate my body. This morning i didn't even want to look at the scale, I knew it would be up from last night. I'll check it tomorrow, afterall, i don't wanna loose motivation :) I've started a tougher work out routine and it kills my abs. It feels really good after about twenty minutes of it :)



              keep on it girlies, we'll all get there!!
                                                          B :)