116 :)

Yesterday was pretty succesful, I had about half a grafefruit total for breakfast and lunch, then dinner was a cookies and cream shake. Again with that damn ice cream!! But i always feel better and think its ok if its a liquid, ya know? And now i'm sick today, so no food :) except i'm finally going back to my mom's after two weeks of being with my dad, and so we're going out to dinner/ I don't care how good everything looks, i'm only eating a salad.

Btw, welcome new followers!!! It totally makes my day when i read a comment or see i have one more person out there to support me :) (yeah really cheesy, but thats just who i am) So i'm sick today, blah blah blah. I think i'm coming down with strep throat, i get it really easily and my best friend thinks she has it. Whenever i'm sick, all i want to do is drink/eat soft things, like yummy pudding or soft ice cream :( :( i don't think i'm going to be able to keep up a fast the whole day *sigh* but it was absolutely delightful to see 116 on the scale again! But now that number (whik used ot seem so low) feels so high, like i should be wwwaaaaaaayyyyy beneath that. Hmm. Oh and my Bmi is 20.2. To be "underweight" i have to weigh 104 lbs. Ugh that seems so far off..... but it is now my ultimate goal. My first goal is just to reach 110. What are your goals? Love you all!!

stay strong girlies!
B

Its time to take my own advice

Thats it. I'm done with food. I no longer need it, nope, i'm set for the week. So i've decided not to eat any cals till friday. mind over matter or you will get fatter, right? So i plan on being 112 by friday. Its simple! Well i am going ot give myself 100 cal free fall, just in case i slip up and have a pretzel (my weakness). But lunch will consist of celery (2 4-inch sticks are 0 cals) and no dinner, sounds pretty easy, right? Yeah but tonight i failed. Miserably. Dad brought home ice cream :( :( oh that evil wicked man......How awful and mean he can be. I also need to take out the trash in my bathroom and clean out underneath my sink because i have food that i've "eaten" that needs to go bye bye.

I haven't worked out since Thursday and its killing me!!! Well like actually go to the gym workout, tonight so far i've done 200 sit ups, 150 jumping jacks and only 60 leg lifts, I plan on doubling everything by ten, well except the sit ups, i'm only gonna do 100 more of those. I've got some lovely girlish abs going on on my upper tummy, but my lower tummy is just retchid. Does anyone know anything i can do for the lower ab area? Comments would be appreciated! i love you girls!!

stay strong chicas!
B

My Promise

Guess what my weigh in was today? 115.6!!!! I'm back on track :) but tonight i have to go to a friends house :( oh well, im gonna tell her i ate right before her mom picked me up, or feighn just getting over a stomach ache, or cramps. Idk. Anyways so i made a promise to Ana, I said if she got me to 115, i would give her two months. Two months without a binge and purge cycle. Two months of under 300 calories days. I know i can do it. I lost 7 lbs in a week, imagine how many i can loose in 8? So would you like to join me? We'll o two months together. We'll reach our first goal by valentines day adn just keep getting tinnier :D we CAN do this! the only thing holding you back from being skinny is you. It is your choice.

Goodmorning!!

Goodmorning!! i'm going to start out empty today and stay there!!! I took 6 laxatives last night and um...well they definitely worked, lol. My stomach still hurts, but i'm feeling the effects of that damn food go BY BY!! YAY!! So C called :) He's the boy i met at the party last month and kissed. Anywho, next time i see him, i want him to go "wow she's so skinny now..." I plan on being 112 by next friday. I can soooo do that. My plan? Eat only a few peices of celery or cucumber at school and "take dinner" to play practice. It's perfect!! Those will only be like 10 calorie days!!! YAY!!

I updated the "About Me" page, so go check it out :) if you girls wanna know anything just tell me :)

think skinny lovelies!!
-B

Help

I'm sorry i'm such a morbid blogger :( but I can't talk to anyone about this. I failed today. Horribly. It all started with one damn pretzel. Then it was like i just said "oh well fuck the rest of the day" after school i had a terrible binge. And it never seemed to end. I had half a banana, a granola bar, a whole bag of popcorn, some chocolate, pretzels, bread with cheese and humus, several crackers, and some chicken and veggies. Yeah, i know, i'm a disgusting fat pig, right? I was down to 117 this morning.....why the fuck did i eat?? I need someone to help keep me on track :( I took 6 laxatives (i know, they can cause your digestive tract to depend on them, but then if i never ate, i'd never need them! lol perfect plan?)  but they havent' kicked in yet if ya know what i mean. So if you'd like to text and you're in the U.S. email me, and we'll swap numbers. God i'd just like to talk to someone face to face about it sometimes. Ugh this is so hard sometimes!!! But then its harder to eat. But if it was easy everyone would be doing it, right?

I think nighttime is the worst time for me. I get depressed and mopey and i just want to TALK to someone. But of course, no one can talk. I hate myself and i wish i could just run away from me. I think i've said that before...

I hope you girls are staying on track and the weight is dropping off you! I sincerly love ya all :)

 love,
Brett                          

p.s.  a "concerned parent" (not mine of course) told me today that my collar bone was protruding too much, and that made me feel a little better :):)

I'm getting better, or am i getting worse? :) :)

      Finally the blessed day is here. Once again I'm with my dad :) where i can not eat and it goes unnoticed, or if i must eat, i can purge an no one hears me. No one just barges in to talk while i'm "taking a bath". And I once again have the wonderful internet where i can talk to you beautiful girls and look at wonderful thinspo : )

    I had to eat dinner tonight, but it was only a very small serving of stir fry with brown rice. It all came back up and i feel back behind the wheel again. I know i'm so far from my goal (9 lbs to be exact :( ) but i feel like i can get there! As if no one will notice me and no one will notice when i don't eat, or when i forget to pack my lunch. I'll be seeing 110 in no time, I know it. Girls you'll make your goals, ya just gotta keep thinking positve. One night isn't too bad as long as it stops at that. Be careful of giving yourself one guilt-free meal and don't reward a dramatic weight loss with that favorite candy bar. Getting what you want is all about making sacrifices. So make those sacrifices! Prove everyone wrong. Be skinny.

i hate myself. straight up,

i am weak and pathetic and i am ashamed to know ana. I do not deserve her advice since i have ignored her for two weeks. I have become this horribly awful snacking machine. Only on low cal things....but still. I found these things called veggie straws and a serving is 38 of em and they're about the size of a french fry, but they taste like potato chips so my body thinks its getting junk food :( :( so naturally it wants more. And i gave it more. and more. and more. I've been having about 600-700 calorie days and only recently have i started doing my exercise to the extent that i'm happy wiht. last night i did 400 sit ups. I wanted to do 500, but i was soooooo tired.

     But on a brighter note, i will be going to my dad's house monday night and its much easier to starve (i don't like to say fast, because that has too many religious connotations ) so thats good. By the way, during the first week of break i did a 74 hour starve :) but then i went to my moms house and gained it all back.I'm floating around 118 :( :( the day i see 112 on the scale, i might actually cry. But i WILL see it. Preferably by next friday. So the reason i haven't been able to blog lately is that my mom has no internet. Do you know what that means? No looking at thinspiration for two weeks. TWO WEEKS!!!!! i was starting to become happy with myself, HA! I have got to get out of her house. I eat AAAAALLLLLLLLLL the time :( i miss posting for you guys and i really felt like I've let you down :(